I revised with Mia's Story

I reviesd Mia's Story

My Birthday! Pop! I woke up to the smell of fresh eggs, bacon and the loud sound of a balloon popping. My brain instantly reminded me it was Saturday and my tenth birthday which was on June 22, 2013. I instantly remembered my 6th birthday, how I woke up the same way and I knew right then that it was going to be the best birthday ever. Then I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with the soft beam of the sunlight on my face. I slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. My parents surprised my by jumping out at me and singing "Happy Birthday" then they gave me my breakfast, it was bacon, eggs, toast, and apple juice, my favorite! I sat down to eat and it was delicious as a fresh baked cake! When I finished breakfast my mom gave me my present, it was sky blue leggings with grass green spots, my dad gave me a emerald green top with cloud white stripes. I nearly screamed "Omg thank you so much." Until I realized that I was so excited that I was thinking what I wanted to say so then I actually said what I wanted to say. I then got cleaned up then put on my new clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and the clothes I put on were so pretty. Then when I thought there wasn't any surprises left my parents gave me a brand new book, "Finding Zasha." I was about to sit down and start reading the book but then it was time to go to my birthday at "Skate World." We got into the car which was a and my dad turned up the music to my favorite song "Everyday." When we got got there we met Zoe who was coming to my birthday party. Slowly one by one each person came and as soon as they were all there they said "one, two, three go!" Then the song "Happy Birthday" came from the silence and was playing so loud I thought there was a D.J speaker right next to me. Then realizing it was my friends who were singing the song so I smiled and let them finish. The moment they finished they all screamed out "Surprise!" I shouted out "thank you so much!" Then they all burst into laughter that was so loud the parents inside thought someone was badly hurt. After they realized that it was just laughter even the parents started laughing. Then laughing and talking we all skipped into the building to start roller skating.

My Birthday! Pop! I woke up to the smell of fresh eggs, bacon and the loud sound of a balloon popping. My brain instantly reminded me it was Saturday and my tenth birthday which was on June 22, 2013. I instantly remembered my 6th birthday how I woke up the same way and I just the right then that it was going to be the best birthday ever. Then I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with the soft light like a of the sun on my face. I slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. My parents surprised my by jumping out at me and singing "Happy Birthday" then gave me my breakfast, it was bacon, eggs, toast, and apple juice. I sat down to eat and it was delicious as a fresh baked cake! When I finished breakfast my mom gave me my present, it was blue leggings with green spots, my dad gave me a green top with white stripes. I said Omg thank you so much. Until I realized that I was so excited that I was thinking what I wanted to say so then I actually said what I wanted to say. I then got cleaned up then put on my new clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and the clothes I put on were so pretty. Then when I thought there wasn't any surprises left my parents gave me a brand new book, "Finding Zasha." I was about to sit down and start reading the book but then it was time to go to my birthday at "Skate World." We got into the car which was a and my dad turned up the music to my favorite song "Everyday." When we got got there we met Zoe who was coming to my birthday party. Slowly one by one each person came and as soon as they were all there they said "one, two, three go!" Then the song "Happy Birthday" came from the silence and was playing so loud I thought there was a D.J speaker right next to me. Then realizing it was my friends who were singing the song so I smiled and let them finish. The moment they finished they all screamed out "Surprise!" I shouted out "thank you so much!" Then they all burst into laughter that was so loud the parents inside thought someone was badly hurt. After they realized that it was just laughter even the parents started laughing. Then laughing and talking we all skipped into the building to start roller skating.

My Birthday! Pop! I woke up to the smell of fresh eggs, bacon and the loud sound of a balloon popping. My brain instantly reminded me it was Saturday and my tenth birthday which was on June 22, 2013. I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with the soft light like a of the sun on my face. I was thinking to myself, this is going to be the best birthday ever. I slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. My parents surprised my by jumping out at me and singing "Happy Birthday" then gave me my breakfast, it was bacon, eggs, toast, and apple juice. I sat down to eat and it was delicious! When I finished breakfast my mom gave me my present, it was blue leggings with green spots, my dad gave me a green top with white stripes. I said OMG thank you so much. Until I realized that I was so excited that I was thinking what I wanted to say so then I actually said what I wanted to say. I then got cleaned up then put on my new clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and the clothes I put on were so pretty. Then when I thought there wasn't any surprises left my parents gave me a brand new book, "Finding Zasha." I was about to sit down and start reading the book but then it was time to go to my birthday at "Skate World." We got into the car and my dad turned up the music to my favorite song "Everyday." When we got got there we met Zoe who was coming to my birthday party. Slowly one by one each person came and as soon as they came they said "one, two, three go!" Then the song "Happy Birthday" came from the silence and was playing so loud I thought there was a D.J speaker right next to me. Then realizing it was my friends who were singing the song so I smiled and let them finish. The moment they finished they all screamed out "Surprise!" I shouted out "thank you so much!" Then they all burst into laughter that was so loud the parents inside thought someone was badly hurt. After they realized that it was just laughter even the parents started laughing. Then laughing and talking we all skipped into the building to start roller skating.

My Birthday! Pop! I woke up to the smell of fresh eggs, bacon and the loud sound of a balloon popping. My brain instantly reminded me it was Saturday and my tenth birthday which was on June 22, 2013. I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with the soft light of the sun on my face. I was thinking to myself, this is going to be the best birthday ever. I slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. My parents surprised my by jumping out at me and singing "Happy Birthday" then gave me my breakfast, it was bacon, eggs, toast, and apple juice. I sat down to eat and it was delicious! When I finished breakfast my mom gave me my present, it was blue leggings with green spots, my dad gave me a green top with white stripes. I gasped so loudly my parents thought there was a som detector going off in the house. I then got cleaned up then put on my new clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and the clothes I put on were so pretty. Then when I thought there wasn't any surprises left my parents gave me a brand new book, "Finding Zasha." I was about to sit down and start reading the book but then it was time to go to my birthday at "Skate World." We got into the car and my dad turned up the music to my favorite song "Everyday." When we got got there we met Zoe who was coming to my birthday party. Slowly one by one each person came and as soon as they came they said "one, two, three go!" Then the song "Happy Birthday" came from the silence and was playing so loud I thought there was a D.J speaker right next to me. Then realizing it was my friends who were singing the song so I smiled and let them finish. The moment they finished they all screamed out "Surprise!" Then they all burst into laughter that was so loud the parents inside thought someone was badly hurt. After they realized that it was just laughter even the parents started laughing. Then laughing and talking we all skipped into the building to start roller skating.

Hi

My Birthday! Pop! I woke up to the smell of fresh eggs, bacon and the loud sound of a balloon popping. My brain instantly reminded me it was Saturday and my tenth birthday which was on June 22, 2013. I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with the soft light of the sun on my face. I was thinking to myself, this is going to be the best birthday ever. I slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. My parents surprised my by jumping out at me and singing "Happy Birthday" then gave me my breakfast, it was bacon, eggs, toast, and appjle juice. I sat down to eat and it was delicious! When I finished breakfast my mom gave me my present, it was blue leggings with green spots, my dad gave me a green top with white stripes. I gasped so loudly my parents thought there was a som detector going off in the house. I then got cleaned up then put on my new clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and the clothes I put on were so pretty. Then when I thought there wasn't any surprises left my parents gave me a brand new book, "Finding Zasha." I was about to sit down and start reading the book but then it was time to go to my birthday at "Skate World." We got into the car and my dad turned up the music to my favorite song "Everyday." When we got got there we met Zoe who was coming to my birthday party. Slowly one by one each person came and as soon as they came they said "one, two, three go!" Then the song "Happy Birthday" came from the silence and was playing so loud I though that there was a DJ speaker right next to me.Then realizing that my friends who were singing the song so I smiled and waited for them to finish. The moment they finished they screamed out "Surprise!" Then they all burst into laughter so loud the parents inside came out in a hurry wondering who was hurt. Then laughing and talking we all skipped into the building.

the most important message that Joey Nowak is to read and write a lot.

My Birthday! Pop! I woke up to smell of fresh eggs, bacon and the sound of a balloon popping. My brain instantly reminded my it was my birthday, June 22, 2013. I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with the soft light of the sun on my face. I was thinking to myself, this is going to be the best birthday day ever. I slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. My parents surprised my by jumping out at me and singing "Happy Birthday" then gave me my breakfast, it was bacon, eggs, toast, and apple juice. I sat down to eat and it was delicious! When I finished breakfast my mom gave me my present, it was blue leggings with green spots, my dad gave me a green top with white stripes. I then got cleaned up then put on my new clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and the clothes I put on were so pretty. Then I got one more surprise, my parents gave me a brand new book! Then it was time to go to my birthday party at skate world. We got in the car and my dad turned up the music and we stated singing at the top of our lungs. When I looked out the window I saw a huge rainbow like it was smiling down at me. When we got out we met Zoe who was coming to my birthday party. Slowly one by one each person came and as soon as they came thy said " one, two, three now." laughing we walked into the building

The Water Park! Me and my best friend Zoe scrambled out of car and sprinted as fast as we could into the water park. As soon as we got in we both had to cover our ears and shout at each other just to hear each other. The noise was the sound of like 2 tons of water pouring down a huge hill. As we turned the corner I nearly passed out because there was a huge water slide that was 8 stories tall. It was as white the clouds with spots that was as blue as a sapphire. There were was 10 loops and 7 turns but you couldn't go on it without a friend because you have to go on a two person raft. There was two different slides one dark slide and one light slide. You would land in a huge pool of water when you were done. So me and Zoe did the long climb up the stairs but when we got to the top I said OMG where's our raft. Zoe looked around then screamed at the top of her lungs "what have you done?" Then Zoe turned into a little spitfire. Zoe and I slowly did the long climb down the stairs and the long climb upstairs. Finally we got our emerald green raft and it was our turn. I thought when we were getting in our raft this is going to be the scariest but then Zoe shook me and go me to reality. We slowly pushed off and we were staring, after five seconds there was a loop and we screamed the whole time we were on the loop but after that me and Zoe were laughing and talking the whole time down. We were so busy laughing we didn't even notice that we were about to hit the water. 5 seconds later we were underwater. When me and Zoe got to the surface we looked at each other for one second then together we shouted "again" and swam to the stairs to do it again.

The Water Park! Me and my best friend Zoe, walked into the water park, and we both gasped because there was a huge water slide it was a 8 story water slide. It was white with blue spots, there was 10 loops and 7 turns but you couldn't go on it without a friend because you have to go on a two person raft. There was two different slides one dark slide and one light slide. You would land in a huge pool of water when you were done. So me and Zoe did the long climb up the stairs but when we got to the top I said OMG where's our raft, so Zoe and I had to do the long climb down the stairs the the long climb upstairs. Finally we got our raft and it was our turn. I thought when we were getting in our raft this is going to be so scary but then Zoe shook me and go me to reality. We slowly pushed off and we were staring, after five seconds there was a loop and we screamed the whole time we were on the loop but after that me and Zoe were laughing and talking the whole time down. We were so busy laughing we didn't even notice that we were about to hit the water. 5 seconds later we were underwater. When me and Zoe got to the surface we looked at each other for one second the together we shouted "again" and swam to the stairs to do it again.

The Water Park!

Me and my best friend Zoe, walked into the water park, and we both gasped because there was a huge water slide it was a 8 story water slide. It was white with blue spots, there was 10 loops and 7 turns but you couldn't go on it without a friend because you have to go on a two person raft. There was two different slides one dark slide and one light slide. You would land in a huge pool of water when you were done. So me and Zoe did the long climb up the stairs but when we got to the top I said OMG! where is our raft, so Zoe had to do the long climb down the stairs the the long climb upstairs. Finally we got our raft and it was our turn. I thought when we were getting in our raft this is going to be so scary but then Zoe shook me and go me to reality. We slowly pushed off and we were staring, after five seconds there was a loop and we screamed the whole time we were on the loop but after that me and Zoe were laughing and talking

My Birthday! Pop! I woke up to smell of fresh eggs, bacon and the sound of a balloon popping. My brain instantly reminded my it was my birthday, June 22, 2013. I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with the soft light of the sun on my face. I was thinking to myself, this is going to be the best birthday day ever. I slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. My parents surprised my by jumping out at me and singing "Happy Birthday" then gave me my breakfast, it was bacon, eggs, toast, and apple juice. I sat down to eat and it was delicious! When I finished breakfast my mom gave me my present, it was blue leggings with green spots, my dad gave me a green top with white stripes. I then got cleaned up then put on my new clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and the clothes I put on were so pretty. Then I got one more surprise, my parents gave me a brand new book! Then it was time to go to my birthday party at skate world. When we got out we met Zoe who was coming to my birthday party. Smiling and laughing we walked into the building.

My Birthday! I woke up to smell of bacon. My brain instantly reminded my it was my birthday, June 22, 2013. I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with the soft light of the sun on my face. I was thinking to myself, this is going to be the best birthday day ever. I slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. My parents surprised my by jumping out at me and singing "Happy Birthday" then gave me my breakfast, it was bacon, eggs, toast, and Apple juice. I sat down to eat and it was delicious! When I finished breakfast my mom gave me my present, it was blue leggings with green spots, my dad gave me a green top with white stripes. I then got cleaned up then put in my new clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and the clothes I put on we're so pretty. The I got one more surprise my parents gave me a brand new book! Then it was time to my birthday party at skate world. When we got out we met Zoe who was coming to my birthday party smiling and laughing we walked into the building.

My Birthday! I woke up to smell of bacon. My brain instantly reminded my it was my birthday, June 22, 2013. I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with the soft light of the sun on my face. I was thinking to myself, this is going to be the best brith day ever. I slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. jumping out at me and singing "Happy Birthday" then gave me my breakfast, it was bacon, eggs, toast, and Apple juice. I sat down to eat and it was delicious! When I finished breakfast my mom gave me my present, it was blue leggings with green spots, my dad gave me a green top with white stripes. I then got cleaned up then put in my new clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and the clothes I put on we're so pretty. The I got one more surprise my parents gave me a brand new book! Then it was time to my birthday party at skate world. When we got out we met Zoe who was coming to my birthday party smiling and laughing we walked into the building.

My Birthday! I woke up to smell of bacon. My brain instantly reminded my it was my birthday. I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with the soft light of the sun on my face. I slowly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. My parents surprised me by jumping out at me and singing "Happy Birthday" then gave me my breakfast

The Water park
I took a deep breath and breathed in the cool slaty pool air. I was at the Soaring Eagle water park. I stood at the beginning of the huge 5 story water slide. The water slide had 6 loops and 4 curves it was blue with yellow spots. I flashed back to when I was riding the Millennium at cedar point. I remembered how I was scared but I still did it. So I took another breath of the cool, slaty, chlorine air then when on the slide. For the first few seconds I was still scared, but then I started to enjoy myself. I was laughing so hadI brought tears to my eyes. The finally the water slide ended and I dropped into the pool. I thought to myself I am so doing that again before I started the long walk up the stairs again.